I am a Fool.

Today, a poem/spoken word that I wrote long ago. It is perfectly suited to follow up last week’s post. It is a description of my lifetime of insecurities; many of which I still battle. Please read it with the cadence of someone who desires for you to be broken free from your cage of the opinions of others.

I AM A FOOL.

I am a fool

There’s no other way to say it

Swayed by the opinions of the masses

There is a game and I choose to play it

Hate me

Love me

Just don’t say that you don’t like me

I understand there’s a reputation on the line

As long as the one you’re ruining isn’t mine

Hate me

Love me

Just don’t think nothing of me

I’ve come to realize

That I’ve begun to be surprised

Every time I open my eyes

And see myself in the mirror

My desperation becomes clearer

Who is this woman with the deep lines

And the dark circles

And the face that has been marked by time?

I used to find pleasure

I used to see a treasure

Whenever I glanced at my reflection

Now all I see is imperfection

Like I need a resurrection

Like I went the wrong direction

Something tells me something changed

Was it the sorrow or the loss?

Something tells me that I’m strained

I made those choices, what’s the cost?

I’ve bowed down to the judgements

Of all the loudest voices

I’ve choked almost to death

As my enemy rejoices

The words and the presumptions

The body language and assumptions

That interrupt my peaceful narrative

Bring my mind to a place

Where it’s imperative

That I postulate your estimation of my significance

Based merely upon the study of your glance

I am a fool

Hate me

Love me

Just please don’t simply tolerate me

Suddenly my universe depends upon

The way you talk about me

How long you hug me

The width of your smile

It all matters after a while

I drove myself crazy

Wondering, DO THEY LIKE ME?

Am I funny enough?

Am I pretty enough?

Am I smart enough?

Am I Godly enough?

Am I good enough?

I am a fool

Because I’m asking all these questions

But pointing them in all the wrong directions

I shouldn’t be interrogating the world

About whether I’m worthy

Clean enough or dirty

Whether I’m holy enough to Praise Him

Is my light bright enough or too dim?

Am I someone worthy of admiration

Or does my sinfulness act as a cancellation

Of my ability to love and serve others

Of my ability to wash the feet of my sisters and brothers

I am a fool

Because I believed the lies

That who I am is based upon what is observed by the world’s eyes

You see, all the negativity was enough to hypnotize

A woman so insecure

That nothing could satiate the deep need within her

To feel loved and valuable and worthy of desire

Instead I let that poison almost create another fatality

Allowing their false views and beliefs to become my reality

But what is the real reality?

That I am exceptional

And worth every drop

As far as HE is concerned?

The time has come to drop your madness

Don’t be a victim

Of the senseless opinions of the masses

The truth is written in RED

You gotta know that the deceit

Is all a game inside your head

This is only my own story

I just had to learn

I stopped being a fool who believed all their lies

Now it’s your turn.

 

This work is copyrighted by Danielle McEntee and not intended for personal use, without permission of the author.