BP

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“We are living in a Kardashian world where beauty and booty sell; brains are only secondary.”

Black Panther (“BP”) and I began dating over that summer and our only shared interests were working out, his perfect body and not making out. Actually, that last one wasn’t a shared interest, that was only his interest. You see, he was Mormon. And outside of holding hands he was determined not to touch me in any other way which made for a conflict of interests since I wasn’t interested in the personality he had to offer because there wasn’t much of one to speak of. I don’t mean this to sound as harsh as it probably does but the truth of the matter is that I was kind of a shallow jerk at the time. It goes to show that only Jesus can truly change us because we are ALL a hot mess on our own.

At the end of the summer, I was ready to head back to LA for my second year of college and was hoping that BP and I could carry on some semblance of a relationship. Not because I couldn’t live without him, but simply because I had gotten used to this fine man in my life and was hoping one day he’d kiss me. Instead, I find out he’d been dating another girl during our “relationship” and perhaps that was the reason he never kissed me….so he couldn’t say he had actually cheated on her. That’s my guess. I don’t know the truth because I didn’t care to ask. Again, I felt used, and duped and betrayed. I mean, my intentions weren’t noble either, let’s be real, but it didn’t feel any better nonetheless. I think he just hung out with me so he could stare at my butt (which he was constantly doing in the least subtle way possible).

Returning back to school that year was everything I had hoped for and anticipated. The male friends that I had left before summer thinking of me as just a “friend” were soon infatuated with the “new” me. I had lost a ton of weight, I was ultimately more confident in my appearance than I had ever been, and I felt ready for some man-eating. A few of my suitors were uninteresting to me, but I let them pursue me because it was a constant ego boost. Ew! Right? I gross myself out even remembering this stuff!

Let me stop right here. This has been a pattern in my life, looking back. I start to feel bad about myself because I’m unnoticed by men. Suddenly I become thin and more attractive, and men notice me, then I feel great about myself. Ladies, this just is NOT right. This is our culture. This is social media, this is Hollywood, this is celebrity, this is everything. If a woman is attractive, she is of great importance despite any other qualities she might have, or lack.

We are living in a Kardashian world where beauty and booty sell; brains are only secondary. I like to think this is changing, but we have to choose to be that change. We can’t continue to feed the masses what they’re hungry for and expect things to be suddenly different.

That is my PSA for the day. The more you know……(cue music).

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