Blitzkrieg- Part II
To sum up the relationship that I had with Blitz over the course of 2 years, on and off, I could tell you a few things:
- I was his first kiss (at least, that’s what he told me)
- I fell in “love”. Gave him my entire heart, right out of the gate.
- He became my world and I became his.
- I knew he was no good for me, but my “love” for him was so strong it overtook my logic. I literally remember thinking “I won’t marry this guy. He’s not marriage material.”
- I was convinced that he would have done anything for me. And he did. He drew me sketches from my favorite movie (The Matrix), he would save all the lemon Jolly Ranchers for me from every bag he ate, he would carry my books for me. See? He’d practically die for me.
- We physically went way too far, but he refused to sleep with me because he “didn’t want to do that to me” (and by that he meant: hurt me, ruin me, get me pregnant, etc. and that gentlemanly gesture was enough to really make me want to pounce on him).
- My parents hated him. He was kind of a sarcastic jerk, actually.
- I went on a Mission’s Trip to Mexico with my church youth group and returned a changed person, vowing that I wouldn’t make out with Blitz in parked cars anymore because my relationship with him was becoming more important than my relationship with God.
- We went even further physically than we had before my mission’s trip epiphany.
- I told him that I was in love with him, to which he responded, “I love you but I’m not in love with you”.
- Things unravel rapidly and I break up with him for an older high school guy because now I realize he will never love me in the same way I love him.
- I realize I need Blitz and this older guy is a total bore (bless his heart) so we get back together after he tells me that he “only wants me”.
- Things go well for us, but I betrayed him so it’s never really the same again after that.
- He starts talking about other girls. We’ll watch a movie and Blitz will go on and on about how hot Larisa Oleynik or Keri Russell are and how they’re “exotic” and his “dream girls”. Since when were white girls exotic, I have no clue, but it’s enough to piss me off. FYI: I look the complete opposite of both these girls. He starts talking about what kind of woman he wants to marry. None of what he says is reflective of who I am. We’re doomed.
- He dumps me before summer but tells me we can still be friends. Oh great, so you were biding your time with me until you met that “dream woman” of yours. Thanks for using me, pal. You’re just like Rico Suave……and all the rest of them.
- Senior year we get back together (presumably because I looked a lot better than he remembered and also probably because he knew he could get me back). He dumps me again. I make out with Rico Suave a few times to exact revenge.
- Blitz finds out I hooked up with Rico Suave and decides to be disgusted with me forever. I am genuinely heartbroken. I write him a letter telling him I still love him and he’s shocked, but doesn’t do anything about it.
- He starts dating a girl from public school and I’m totally jealous but am trying hard to get over him. My idiot friends write something derogatory on his car about the new girl (I had no knowledge of this prank) and he assumes that it was my doing, promptly telling me to “get a life and stop acting like a child”. I respond with a four letter word or two and a finger in his face. The whole school yard is watching, in shock. I feel kind of like a BA.
- My best friend and I decide to steal one of his brand new shoes (that he’d been bragging about daily) right out of his car one day and chuck it from our moving vehicle into a field somewhere in the middle of nowhere. He suspects it was me, but I deny saying “I’m not crazy!”, when really I kind of am. He makes me that way. I felt like one crappy shoe was the least he could have given me for all the pain he caused. To this day, I don’t feel especially bad about this. Sorry.
- We graduate high school, hating each other. Actually, I don’t hate him. Never really did. What’s that cheesy saying? “They say that anger is just love disappointed?” Yes, that was me. I was angry. I was hurt. My heart had been ripped from my chest and he knew it. But he still couldn’t bring himself to be civil to me.
(Stay tuned for Part III next week.)
The immaturity that oozes from this story of my teenage self is glaring to me, as it must be to all of you. The thing is, I was young. I was immature. I was not prepared to deal with life on this difficult of a scale. That is exactly why this kind of deeply emotional relationship was the worst idea in the world.